Fear: the master of illusion and delusion. When you turn round to face him, he dissolves in such unexpected ways.
There was a hiatus in the violence – in fact it was a permanent stoppage, but I couldn’t know that at the time. I had knelt on the carpet in the front room and shouted at myself, repeatedly – he is never going to change, he is never going to change, he is never going to change – what are you going to do about it? I had banged my fists on the floor, I had rocked myself back and forward, as though I needed my whole body, not just my mind, to accept this unacceptable fact. Pinned down by fear, rendered powerless, what could I possibly do?.
I dreamed: I dreamed he came towards me, his face murderous. Suddenly I was so much bigger than him, he was just a small child, and I was a mother figure. I saw his pain and reached out to comfort him. He was a lost child and I had a power. I had the power of compassion.
Salatheel 